Long before the Internet was invented, Pappy Fappenburger dreamed of a world where old men like him could get together, outside the of prying eyes of the Catholic Church, and have a nice wank while enjoying brandy and cigars.

He traveled the world on his ship the Santa Maria, formerly Christopher Columbus’ ship, looking for a place where he could found Faptopia. Unfortunately, the boat sank, as it was very old, and Pappy lived the next 80 years under the sea. His best friend was a starfish named Colostomy.

He eventually made it back to shore, only to be shot to death in post revolution France.

We owe it all to him.